Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who died my cat blue again?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
