We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
