He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize