NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
