So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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