Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
