I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
