True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
