I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
