Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
