So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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