How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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