I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
please come you make the beer taste better
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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