Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize