I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
