WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
