I wish I could teleport
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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