break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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