..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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