My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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