Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
