hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My ass is underappreciated
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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