I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
