I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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