she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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