Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
