You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
