the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
