Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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