Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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