Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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