she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
