Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
