separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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