u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize