He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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