My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
