I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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