I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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