I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
