I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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