i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
