it hurts more in the daytime
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
