I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
