If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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