I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
