You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
