So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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