Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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