he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
