i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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