We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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