Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When did angry sex become our thing?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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