May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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