I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
