I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
