I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
