this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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