Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize