Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
