The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
