I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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