2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize