So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
