ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
