Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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