Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
