I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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