Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will pee on everything he values.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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