Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
