if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
